What it actually means to give space

Love is undoubtedly the most beautiful feeling in life. We all love to be around our loved ones and why not as this gives us a feeling of delight and safety. When we meet our partners, we get that feeling of contentment and a sense of completeness. And so we certainly want to be with them. 

When we say Partners, that means the one with whom we share our joys, sorrows, dreams and our journey called life. It is the responsibility of each individual in the partnership to ensure the other person in the relationship is doing what inspires them and brings inner happiness to them while sharing their life with you. Mutual respect is essential for each other’s freedom and boundaries, and it is crucial in a relationship.

Sometimes being together for a while, we start becoming little self-observed, and we start focusing more on our happiness and needs. And in this process, we neglect the partner’s requirements and their interests. I have seen in many relationships, how one partner wants to be aware of every minute detail of their spouse’s life and in this way, leave no room to breathe at all for their spouse. Sharing every information about themselves can make the spouse feel they don’t have control over their life anymore and will make them feel suppressed.

Let me explain you with an example, like how will you feel if your partner/spouse makes a movie program with his friends? The first thought that runs in your mind is even you want to join them. You feel you don’t want to sit at home alone and wait for him or think about how he is enjoying without you and you are handling chores at home independently.

But let’s see this situation from your spouse’s end. Your spouse is always with you, is living with you, and comes back to you after his work hours. Your partner spends ample time at home around some household activities with you. He is looking for some relaxed time and plans for a movie program to spend time with his friends.

So both the partners are right in their thought process but here comes into picture the actual thing which I want to convey-giving space. It would be compassionate for you to respect your spouse’s desires and his willingness to do a few things his way.

I am sharing below a few points which can help you relate and understand how we can be there for our partners/spouses and also give them adequate freedom to blossom.

1. When your spouse steps out for mini-breaks, like stepping out of the house to make a phone call/take a stroll, they should not feel the need to explain that to you. They should be able to move around without any hesitation.

You can call them but only when you need them or when you are worried about their whereabouts. In all other scenarios, you can maintain your calm and let them take their time to come back home.

2. When your spouse steps out for briefs meetings, they should not feel the pressure about giving you minute details about their meeting like who all will be present, why does he need to go there, is it essential for him to go and additional questions.

3. When your spouse is outside with friends or with office colleagues, he should not feel the strain to take your approval before committing to any party or get together. There should be an assurance in his mind that my partner will understand about this outing and will not feel bad that I could not tell her before confirming for a party.

4. Avoid becoming a GPS tracker for your spouse. You don’t need to have every hour detail and whereabouts of your partner. It is emotionally suffocating to give hourly status, especially when your spouse is in the middle of a party or office.

5. When we are talking about space, it means physical and mental space. If your partner wants to spend some alone time at home, it should be ok with you. If your partner wants to read, write, watch TV, or do any activity alone, you should be able to read between the lines and slowly slip away.

The atmosphere between you and your partner should be so comfortable that both of you can sit on the sofa one watching tv and other reading a book. Both should be utterly ok of each other’s choices and not expect to be with each other in every single activity.

If your partner gets a call or message, you should not jump with the question “Whose call it is”, or “Who messaged you”. It should be ok to leave it to your partner if your partner wants to share that information he/she will anyhow do it and if they don’t want to, how much ever you ask, they can always hide it from you. So don’t compel them to tell you about these details.

Relationships thrive when we support, encourage, appreciate and uplift each other. Don’t bring obligation, pressure, fear and suffocation in your bond. When you give enough space in a relationship, the other person holds a lot of respect for you and will never abandon you, but when you grasp them, it’s bound to lose its charm and the suffocation can make them look for some fresh air to breathe.