How to achieve milestones without putting pressure on children and ourselves
It's a common habit to compare ourselves with others even when we know it's not the right thing to do. Isn't it? With social media already overpowering our lives, this is turning into a more complex scenario.
For my first child, I too had my share of tough times, but before I started going into the pressure loop, I realized something and this realization saved me from a lot of stress ahead. I would say it not only helped me, but it helped my daughter as well.
Similar to other parents, I had this milestone ahead of me of stopping the usage of milk bottle for my kid at the age of 18 months. It's like a tug of war between the brain and the heart! My kid was very much attached to her bottle. And so my heart didn't want to take it away from her. But my mind was glued to the standards and wanted her to stop using the bottle.
I had seen some kids whose milk intake got impacted completely as soon as they got transitioned from the milk bottle to a glass of milk. I didn't want my kid to get into that tense situation where she is searching for her bottle, and it vanished off one day all of a sudden. I didn't want her milk intake to get reduced as she is a growing child, and she needs milk for her bones to stay healthy.
Instead of following the standards which most people follow, I choose to go with the personality of my child. I believe every child is unique, they come with their strengths, and for getting stronger on other things, we can help them. Standards get derived by taking out an average; it's not something you can apply to every kid.
Before beginning any training for kids, you need to read them: their personality, their mindset and how they behave in uncertain scenarios. I felt that by removing bottle for my kid is going to put a wrong kind of pressure on her and will alter her milk intake. And so I choose not to do so as per standards.
I let her use it until a stage where I could tell her a fancy story, and she would be ok to make that jump from bottle to cup without getting disturbed. But this stage came when she was 3.5 years old. But till then we were successful in keeping the bottle only for the nighttime intake. Yes, this stage was too late as per standards, but I felt like to achieve a target, it's not fair to put your child through mental strain.
The same practice I followed for her potty training, nighttime potty training and her shy nature. Day time training goal got achieved when she was four and a half years old, and nighttime training got completed when she was six and a half years old.
Instead of starting the training when my child didn't show any signs of readiness, I just sensed when she was all set for day time training, and I put my heart and soul into it. And within two weeks she was prepared for the day time!
And for the night time training, my child sensed the feeling on her own. It started with me waking her up and taking her to the bathroom, and eventually, she didn't need me to take her, she was all good by herself.
Just because my child is shy when people are around, it's not fair to force and make her talk or to mingle around them. I gave her some time, and then there was no looking back. Now when I see her, she is a complete chatterbox.
We need to realize that there is no race to run in parenting, and there is no award for winning it such race. If you see a child who has achieved a milestone which your child has not attained it yet, though being in the same age group, it's ok to be happy about that child and not to bring the anxiety to home.
It's not right to measure every child on the same scale; if you scold a child, it's ok for one child, while the other child might take things too heavy to heart. So it's always good to know the temperament, and then come up with a plan. Putting pressure on a child has to be done carefully; if the pressure is negative, it can lead to more harm than good. Positive pressure will help them to stay alert, to be active and to keep on track. A parent is the best judge for a child, and so only you will know how much late is ok to reach a milestone.
The same practice I followed for her potty training, nighttime potty training and her shy nature. Day time training goal got achieved when she was four and a half years old, and nighttime training got completed when she was six and a half years old.
Instead of starting the training when my child didn't show any signs of readiness, I just sensed when she was all set for day time training, and I put my heart and soul into it. And within two weeks she was prepared for the day time!
And for the night time training, my child sensed the feeling on her own. It started with me waking her up and taking her to the bathroom, and eventually, she didn't need me to take her, she was all good by herself.
Just because my child is shy when people are around, it's not fair to force and make her talk or to mingle around them. I gave her some time, and then there was no looking back. Now when I see her, she is a complete chatterbox.
We need to realize that there is no race to run in parenting, and there is no award for winning it such race. If you see a child who has achieved a milestone which your child has not attained it yet, though being in the same age group, it's ok to be happy about that child and not to bring the anxiety to home.
It's not right to measure every child on the same scale; if you scold a child, it's ok for one child, while the other child might take things too heavy to heart. So it's always good to know the temperament, and then come up with a plan. Putting pressure on a child has to be done carefully; if the pressure is negative, it can lead to more harm than good. Positive pressure will help them to stay alert, to be active and to keep on track. A parent is the best judge for a child, and so only you will know how much late is ok to reach a milestone.
you are doing great. keep going :)
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